I can't seem to get over my drinking habit and it's tearing my life apart?

I personally don't think I drink that much. The thing is that due to past experiences I try hard to forget it by drinking fast and aggressively. It helps me handle the pain and trauma of my childhood. My girlfriend recently left me because of my drinking. She said that she cant handle seeing me destroy myself. i got kicked out from uni for drinking, too much and not studying. i used to be smart enough to get into meds school but i dont know how to handle my past. i really want to heal but my mind is clouded with strong memories. i tried counselling when i was younger, my mother made me stop. when i got older, i tried again, but this time the counsellor herself said she can't help me. so no, i can't go back to counselling again, its already hard enough to talk about this as it is i cant afford another let down. i dont really have a question. i think im becoming more and more desperate with whats been going on and now its too late for me to do anything about it.